First You Leave Behind Any False Ideals Of Perfection – You Release Your Attachment To What It Means To Be The Perfect You. ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr
Do you mistaken excellence for perfection? How many times have we made a resolution such as, “I’m going to lose ten pounds and go to the gym three times a week and how many times have we not followed through?” Yeah, you know it – many time. What makes for the lack of follow through?
One source is conditional love. Conditional self-love says – ‘I’ll accept myself only when I meet certain standards, when I’m perfect and then when we don’t meet those standards, we may get angry, disappointed – even disgusted with ourselves. Those feelings are a signal of a belief that we are unacceptable unless or until _______ you fill in the blank.
So an inner judge (mistakenly trying to help) berates, you’re bad and wrong if you don’t… then an inner victim reacts, feelings rejected and discourage. The inner victim, constricting and sinking as in the hurt child’s song, may go so far as to believe that – nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I’ll go eat some worms. Worms are the birds the last time I checked.
But there’s another way to make positive changes. What is we made choices not based on perfection but excellence and then make choices to ‘improve’ from our state of self-love? What if we could say I love and accept myself exactly as I am. It would feel really great to feel lighter and be more flexible. It would be fun to experiment with new foods, make new friends with new interest. Can you feel the expansiveness of the self-love conversation?
So what does it take to move from the judge/victim struggle to a self-nurturing choice? A willingness to let go of the attachment to the limiting belief that we must be a certain way (perfect) of be unacceptable. Aim for perfection, but settle for excellence.
Affirm: I love myself exactly as I am
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