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“H.I.P. people are aware that peace of mind comes from not wanting to change others. Be H.I.P. stop trying to change others.”

Chances are  you have people in your life whose behavior you wish you could change. Your romantic partner might be putting on a little weight. Your parents may complain too much. Your best friend won’t look for a new job, even though she hates the job she has now.

Once you notice these annoyances, it is natural to want to push people to change. However, is it actually possible to change someone’s  behavior? Should you even try? At what price? When we have the urge to try to change someone we are really saying that we are not satisfied with our own Self, we are not at peace with ourselves, for it is our own Self through which we see, hear and judge. Whenever we try to improve someone we are in some way moving into physical or mental manipulation or into the psychological approach and you are ultimately dealing with the effects rather than with cause.

Something may change but only temporarily because your attention is upon the behavior rather than the cause within your awareness. The best way to help other people change is to change your own behavior. It is fine to let the people in your life know that you care about them and stand at the ready to help them in any way you can. After that, you have to give them some space to decide whether they want to change.

While you are at it, try taking some time to look at your life. The sad fact is that it is often easier to try to fix other people’s problems than it is to fix your own. It is your choice, peace or control.

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